Being Mr. Kenny

The answer, of course, is flipcharts. When you think about it, what else could it be?

Been updating crapspackle, check it out: crapspackle.co.uk. Two new “cartoons” for your enjoyment.

Also, just thought, someone asked me to recreate the pose on the crapspackle website for a photo and it really annoyed me. I hate* that probably more than I hate† flipcharts.

* This instance of the word ‘hate’ is exaggeration.

† This instance of the word ‘hate’ is not‡ exaggeration.

‡ Well of course it is, did you have to ask?

I’m quite bored today, did you notice?

The most awesome image on the internet ever.

Check it out.

PS. Who knows how long it is going to stick around for. Hopefully long enough.

So Maynard’s wrote back :D I wrote to them a while ago to jokily complain about the proportion of sweets in one of the packets. And they wrote back this morning!

Dear Mr Kenny,

I am very concerned that you had cause to contact us about Maynards Wine Gums, and I would thank you for taking the time and trouble to bring this matter to our attention.

Maynards Wine Gums are mixed in such as way as to reflect the preference of consumers - according to our market research. In the automated packing process it is possible that a precise measure of colours or flavours may not be duplicated over a period of time, however, in all cases the weight and value will be the same.

It is our intention to manufacture every packing to the correct specification and we regret that the selection kindly brought to our attention was not to your entire satisfaction.

Please accept our apologies for the disappointment and inconvenience caused. I hope you will use the attached refund for £2.00 to purchase and enjoy further supplies of Trebor Bassett’s confectionery. Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us.

I love it completely. This is the second time that Cadbury’s has bothered to respond to one my frivolous letters! I’m going to spend the £2 on … wine gums again.

Cloj posted a comment in response to my post George Calloway must die, which I’d like to respond to.

Firstly, yes, this site does seriously lack seriousness. This is intentional, and is called having a sense of humour. I’m not a political commentator, and this is not a political blog, but I do have opinions which I express on this blog occasionally.

Secondly, I don’t actually think the ad hominem criticism applies here, because I think that public leaders ought to be held to a higher standard in their personal lives. Making criticisms of someone’s character is a valid thing to do when it comes to leaders. If he were a philosopher or scientist putting forward theories, ad hominem wouldn’t be such a problem, but he’s not, he’s a member of parliament.

I see that you’re using the ad hominem fallacy when you say I’m just “scratching [my] ass for comments”, and again where you propose that I am just following what the media tells me is the correct opinion. It would be easy for me to interpret your arguments as arising from your insecurity.

Thirdly, you’re right in saying that I am not an expert in Galloway’s policies or political practice (I misspelled his surname, for crying out loud). I can’t vouch for his political activity but you’ll notice that I wasn’t criticising that.

I said that his appearance on Big Brother detracted from his credibility. I don’t expect to see elected representatives wearing pink leotards or pretending to be a cat. That has lowered his dignity, and it makes a mockery out of British politics, the people who voted for him, as well as those who didn’t.

Picture this scenario. Imagine if the sun shrank down and came to earth to visit, just to see what it was like down here. I just like this idea. Imagine having a big ball of fire hovering around, maybe a metre in diameter, following you around at work. In my head, this mini-sun is a little bit insecure.

“Oh, um, do you mind, I think you’re setting those coats on fire. No, no, it’s alright. You’re new here. Oh, I think my boss is trying to come in, do you think you could just let him pass. Thanks. And maybe if you could just dim down a little bit? I’m actually blind now. And all that radiation you’re giving off is giving me cancer, anything you could do? … no, no. Well OK then. Did you get that filing? You burnt it. I see. Um, well my coffee’s gone cold, could you just heat it up? Oh, wow, that was … that was nuclear. No, no, it’s alright. I mean, it was my favourite mug, but … no, it’s cool.”

I like silly things. I like doing silly things, reading about silly things, and occasionally I like to write silly things to companies.

Below is a letter I wrote to Maynards (technically speaking, Cadbury Trebor Bassett, but who cares for ‘technically’, anyway).

I fully did write this, as well :)

My dear sirs,

I have long enjoyed Maynard’s Wine Gums. Since my early years they have ranked among chocolate, coffee, French cheese and various types of mousse in my enjoyment of foods. Imagine my distress, then, when I opened and snacked upon a pack of Wine Gums, the package of which I have enclosed.

The package contained, as they are wont, the usual number of wine gums, presented, as they are, as a stack — a totem pole, if you will — of delicious chewy confections. My dismay was quite unrelated to the quality of the sweets. Occasionally one finds a confectioner with less-than-excellent standards of stock rotation. These fellows frequently allow food to remain on the shelves for extended lengths of time which renders the usually soft and sumptious wine gums hard and unforgiving.

Sirs, I do not even begin to joke.

No, my discomfort and woe were brought on by a more mathematical problem. Namely, the proportion of colours to be found in the pack. Verily, I feast upon the black and the red varieties, but what calamity befell me? Why, I found no black sweets and but one red.

O, esteemed sirs, I freely confess that I was crestfallen. Nay, I was not inconsolable — take solace in it — but crestfallen nonetheless.

I do not write to request a refund. Mere money is not required. Neither, sirs, do I write to beseech a free sample of red and black wine gums. (Though one would not go amiss, I assure you, kind sirs.)

I write merely to express my sorrow, and gentle regret. Some time has passed since I made my discovery, and the pain has assuaged. Yet I feel it only proper to write to convey my sentiments.

I enclose, for your edification, a copy of this letter with all the vowels removed.

Yours faithfully,

Mark Kenny, BSc.

I await their response.

(more…)

This post doesn’t actually have anything to do with this title, but I was thinking about writing a post with this title, then I discovered that the best thing about the post was the title, so it kinda fell by the wayside.

Anyway, I wanted to write about coffee. I drink quite a lot of coffee, and I have grown to become dependent upon it to love it. Everyone knows that coffee is going to destroy everyone’s lives because apparently it’s more poisonous than smoking, more deadly than hemlock, and more damaging than falling down a mountain. (Health scares).

So I found this site that talks about how awesome coffee is and all its health benefits. Apparently, coffee is the best thing in the entire world, which is what I thought in the first place. Stick that up your face and smoke it, everyone else!

Check out how I justify my wicked habit »