“An oxymoron is a phrase that’s having a civil war.”

That was the tweet that came to me moments ago. But I didn’t tweet it because it suddenly started to take on epic proportions in my head, and as we are all aware, you can’t be epic in 140 characters.

(Well, actually, you can, it’s just I wanted to be waffly with this idea, and you can’t be waffly in 140 characters.)

(Dammit, well, yes you can probably be waffly in 140 characters. I guess “rambly” would be a better word, perhaps. Here’s my final statement on the matter: it’s hard, but not impossible — though certainly not half as much fun — to be rambly in 140 characters.)

Anyway, I suddenly began to feel really sorry for my sentences. It’s an awful thing to have a civil war, and I immediately wanted to bring resolution. But you can’t with an oxymoron! There is no resolution, because a sentence, once said, written, expressed — is immutable.

It made me want to start a kind of UN Peacekeeping Operation for words.

“O heavy lightness! Serious vanity!
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire, sick health!”

PS I just discovered this sentence on a letter I received this morning: “Please see the below details;”.

I suppose there are worse fates for words than the oxymoron.

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A few days ago I cleaned the door on my washing machine. I honestly think that this is the best thing I have ever done. Every time I go past it, it catches my eye and it’s as though the washing machine pays me a compliment. “Well done,” it says. If it could, it would tip its hat or nod. Actually, here’s a good question, if your washing machine was a person would it be male or female? I know people usually ask this kind of thing about their cars, but hey.

I am ever astounded at where I find satisfaction. I always thought it would be in a really great job, something where I was saving the world on a regular basis, but apparently, no. You can find meaning in the nice, clean glass of your washing machine door. There it is folks. Who would have thought it.

The washing machine in question is currently doing a load. It’s on its last rinse cycle, and I’m enjoying the sound it’s making. I just walked past it and glanced in. You know, just to check on how things were doing. It reminded me of how as a kid I used to be mesmerised by our washing machine. It totally fascinated me. There’s something about spinning that I literally cannot take my eyes off. I think it’s because it’s continually moving but going nowhere.

You know, if ever I were to take up meditation, I would without a doubt use a washing machine as an aid. It totally absorbs my attention. In fact, just now I happened to look in, and found myself saying, “Wow, this is better than TV.” A bunch of clothes in a metal drum, soaked in soapy water — better than TV. What does that say about me? I think probably that I occupy some position on the autistic spectrum. Well, I am very proud to occupy whatever position I may occupy.

(By the way, isn’t it rotten that we label this on the same scale as a disorder? It totally stinks. By rights, “male” is a position on the autistic spectrum. So is “genius”. Can’t wait for society to wake up and let people be who they are without trying to cut them down or make everyone the same.)

All this has made me think about being a child, and about the bits of me that I have very stubbornly never allowed to grow up. For example, I still really like using an umbrella. I have defended this excitement, viciously and heroically, from all attempts at maturity. Why would anyone want to lose that? It makes rain fun!

So here is my musing: small pleasures have a surprisingly big impact on your happiness.

Graze is a new company that sends selection boxes of fresh fruit, dried fruit, mixed nuts and seeds, crackers, Japanese snacks like wasabi peas and crackers, honey roast cashew nuts (oh my goodness) and TONS of stuff like that.

I just got my first box. It had olives, fresh pineapple slices, raisins and dried banana slices.

You can choose from their wide range what kind of things you like, and they store your choices, and send you selections based on that. You can get them every day, every week, or every fortnight. Or twice a week. Or three times. Or whatever.

Seriously, their selections are amazing. There’s honey roast cashews, salsa tossed almonds, chocolate coated pumpkin seeds, puffed rice crackers, white chocolate coated blueberries, dark chocolate coated cocoa beans … it’s just stunning. And healthy!

Check them out at graze.com. If you use my code (JZZTQMD), you get the first one free, then the second half price! Normally they’re £2.99 You also get a code that you can give to people, and when they sign up, you get £1 off! (I’ve already gotten £2, thanks people!!)

Anyway. It’s worth signing up, even if it’s just for the free one — and you can cancel whenever you like. Visit http://www.graze.com/p/JZZTQMD (discount code is prefilled for you).