Hey. We’ve got the Paperwork Pixies in again. I’m in the middle of gestating a children’s novel. It’s quite good fun, actually, means I get to daydream about my little imaginary world. It’s a quality idea, too. Not going to talk about it, obviously.

Not only because someone might nick it, but more that if you let an idea out too soon, it’s not strong enough to take its own weight. Kinda like those baby animals you see on nature programmes that have been just been born. If you talk about an idea too soon, people can criticise it and kill it, but if you let it grow, and nurture it, and look after it, it will come out and be really good, and everyone will go “oh wow, what a lovely idea” and then it will be sick on their shoulders or something, and people will go “you’re taking this baby metaphor too far, Mark” and Mark will be like, “kthxbye”.

Srsly.

Anyway, I seem to have subdued the pixies to the extent where I can get on with at least one useful thing today. Tatty-bye!

My colleague’s computer is currently displaying this message:

Keyboard error or no keyboard present

Underneath it reads:

Press F1 to continue or DEL to enter SETUP

I just wanted to announce to the world that I am passionately and desperately in love with McDonald’s breakfasts. I’m absolutely not ashamed of it either. McDonald’s breakfasts are better than about a million good things that I can’t think of right now. If I could make a person out of McDonald’s breakfasts and marry it, I … well I probably wouldn’t, but I’d spend the better part of an hour eating its head.

The rest I would leave for the birds.

Did you know that goat’s cheese is actually made with cow’s milk. It’s just made on farms owned and operated by goats.

So Maynard’s wrote back :D I wrote to them a while ago to jokily complain about the proportion of sweets in one of the packets. And they wrote back this morning!

Dear Mr Kenny,

I am very concerned that you had cause to contact us about Maynards Wine Gums, and I would thank you for taking the time and trouble to bring this matter to our attention.

Maynards Wine Gums are mixed in such as way as to reflect the preference of consumers – according to our market research. In the automated packing process it is possible that a precise measure of colours or flavours may not be duplicated over a period of time, however, in all cases the weight and value will be the same.

It is our intention to manufacture every packing to the correct specification and we regret that the selection kindly brought to our attention was not to your entire satisfaction.

Please accept our apologies for the disappointment and inconvenience caused. I hope you will use the attached refund for £2.00 to purchase and enjoy further supplies of Trebor Bassett’s confectionery. Thank you once again for taking the trouble to contact us.

I love it completely. This is the second time that Cadbury’s has bothered to respond to one my frivolous letters! I’m going to spend the £2 on … wine gums again.

Hey. Tonight I’m staying up late on a school night cos why not.

Anyway. Here’s a bunch of ways to misspell Britney Spears. It’s inspired by the fact that I frequently see her name misspelld. I’m gonna aim for 100 but if I don’t make it, don’t kill me. After all, I only tried to misspell a name 100 times. It’s not like I’m the president and I have to make important decisions. Anyhoo. Here goes.

1. Brinarty Spears
2. Brintey Speares
3. Britanny Spores
4. Bronty Spires
5. Brannary Spearks
6. Rab C. Nesbit
7. Brontgomery Spooks
8. Branty Spiker
9. Bronwin Spoons
10. Brintany Spains
11. Branary Spiner
12. Brimming Slime (not intended as any kind of commentary)
13. Brontë Spinnach
14. Bromine Solution
15. Brushed Spaghetti
16. Brown Stuttering
17. Broken String
18. Bracken Stings
19. Bad Sluts (again, no commentary)
20. Borken Gass (who remembers Borken Gass?)
21. Brannty Spants
22. Banner Spits
23. Broobroo Spillages
24. Bragged Spelt
25. Butter Spots
26. Borg Spliced
27. Blinking Spanners
28. Blighted Spi…

OK, that’s enough.

And people complain that my blog isn’t serious enough! I mean, what weightier subject can you ask for than a bunch of ways to misspell Britney’s name? Seriously. Ser. I. Ous. Ly.

Cloj posted a comment in response to my post George Calloway must die, which I’d like to respond to.

Firstly, yes, this site does seriously lack seriousness. This is intentional, and is called having a sense of humour. I’m not a political commentator, and this is not a political blog, but I do have opinions which I express on this blog occasionally.

Secondly, I don’t actually think the ad hominem criticism applies here, because I think that public leaders ought to be held to a higher standard in their personal lives. Making criticisms of someone’s character is a valid thing to do when it comes to leaders. If he were a philosopher or scientist putting forward theories, ad hominem wouldn’t be such a problem, but he’s not, he’s a member of parliament.

I see that you’re using the ad hominem fallacy when you say I’m just “scratching [my] ass for comments”, and again where you propose that I am just following what the media tells me is the correct opinion. It would be easy for me to interpret your arguments as arising from your insecurity.

Thirdly, you’re right in saying that I am not an expert in Galloway’s policies or political practice (I misspelled his surname, for crying out loud). I can’t vouch for his political activity but you’ll notice that I wasn’t criticising that.

I said that his appearance on Big Brother detracted from his credibility. I don’t expect to see elected representatives wearing pink leotards or pretending to be a cat. That has lowered his dignity, and it makes a mockery out of British politics, the people who voted for him, as well as those who didn’t.