Being Mr. Kenny

So here it is. This has been in the pipeline for about a million years. Almost literally, it’s been something I’ve been meaning to put live for months, but never got around to it, so I’m letting it free unpolished, and hopefully it will develop with time.

If you’re missing the old design, check out photos, it’s still looking crap cos of various reasons.

I think web design might not be a priority any more for me, if this is a sign of things. Which is good because blah blah blah who cares this is a boring post.

Did you know that the correct way to address a judge is, “Judgey-baby”?

• “Would you like some more tea, Judgey-baby?”
• “Great judgement, Judgey-baby.”
• “Ha ha ha ha ha ha, Judgey-baby.” (If, say, he/she told a joke.)

Funny what you learn at Judges’ conferences, isn’t it?

Also, would it be wrong to put in my will that I want to be buried under someone’s patio so that I get discovered and waste loads of police time while they investigate? Cos technically* they wouldn’t be able to prosecute me.

* I mean, of course, “chronologically”.

Hi there folks. It’s me again. Mark. (Or Mr. Kenny, if you’re younger than me).

Just thought I’d let you know that we’ve got the paperwork pixies in today. This means it’s a good day for writing stories and complaining to your colleagues about your problems, but an absolutely shocking day for filling in forms or being productive (in a paperwork way, I mean).

Does anyone else get visits from the paperwork pixies? The paperwork pixies are like little elves, or maybe fairies, I’m not sure. They are very distracting and quite mischievous, but they’re quite fun on the whole. They do things like make your fingers press the “sleep” button on the keyboard, instead of the backspace one, which means that your computer goes to sleep and you waste five minutes waking it up. They also mess about with the phones and they get all up in your mouth to make you say silly things like, “Good afterbloob, Mark speaking, how can I help you?”

So yes, the paperwork pixies are in the office this morning. So just don’t phone in today, cos you’ll probably just get confused.