I was just about to clean my teeth tonight when I noticed a tube of Bob Martin brand toothpaste. Curious, I picked it up, thinking it might be another one of those organic, fennel-flavoured toothpastes my Dad sometimes buys, for reasons only known to himself (these toothpastes are invariably revolting).

Well, it wasn’t one of those, and thank heaven I didn’t use it, for you see my parents have seen fit to keep the dog’s chicken-flavoured toothpaste next to our own.