Today my mum knocked her glass of wine over my keyboard, monitor and graphics tablet. I mean seriously, and entire glass of wine!

So I went down into the kitchen to get some kitchen roll, where I met my sister who asked me what happened, and I said “Mum just got wine all over my computer, and I don’t mean the Windows emulator for Linux!”

It’s the way I tell ‘em!

Well, my sister laughed at least, which I thought was very gracious of her. I guess it was one of those “you have to be there” moments, but I did look pretty cool for about five seconds there, making geek jokes.

So yeah, took me a good two hours to clean up all the wine. I have an enormous keyboard that could quite happily soak up two full bottles of wine, so I really had to leave no screw unturned. I was actually really impressed at how it’s put together! Seriously, in the event of a nuclear holocaust there will be two things which survive: cockroaches and my keyboard. That thing is built! Microsoft makes good hardware!

Actually, on the whole, I was quite pleased with how calm I remained throughout the entire episode. I actually found the sight of my keyboard stained such that it looked like someone had sacrificed a goat over it quite funny, and it was actually quite fun opening it up to mess with its innards (the keyboard’s, not the goat’s).

I guess this is payback for the time I walked feta cheese into the carpet of the computer room in the Biology department of Sheffield Uni, or the time I spilt water all over one of the keyboards there, or the time I nearly wet myself when a girl did the exact same thing in the library (it was the expression on her face!), or the time I rearranged the letters of the keyboards at school so that they spelt out bad words.

Or the time (and this is the best one) I accidentally put a hamster inside my Dad’s computer, which then chewed up all the wires and killed the computer. The hamster somehow miraculously survived.