Being Mr. Kenny

The place we are staying in is called Macchupicchu, not Aguas Calientes, as previously mentioned. This was relayed to me via the back of the ticket into the Macchupicchu ruins. The ticket also went into great detail about the poverty of the place, despite all the farming goes on. It then asked us to help this awful situation, finishing with the instruction to “Consume and purchase in Macchupicchu.” I was disappointed that there was no exclamation mark after it, it’s such a good sentence. I have decided to make it my aim to consume and purchase wherever I go.

Here’s something a bit funny. There’s a small child watching every word I type, he’s just sat down next to me. Hello, small child!

Haha, he went away. Oops, he’s back!

Well, today we actually did Macchupicchu. Got the bus really early in the morning. Someone kept knocking on our door, even when we politely requested that he or she “go away”, so we think that in fact it was the hotel owner, and not Alex being deliberately irritating. Although…

Anyway, Macchupicchu was excellent and blah blah blah. It was interesting, but I’m tourismed out.

Gotten sick of eating in restaurants. Seriously, I order the food, then it comes, and I eat about half of it and then my appetite takes an enormous nose-dive. I really don’t trust the food here, it’s quite amusing.

One thing I have noticed is my enormous capacity for complaining. If I have “found myself” in anyway here, it is this that I have found.

No, Macchupicchu was amazing. It really was. We got there early enough to avoid a lot of tourists (despite our tickets arriving a tad late), and we saw sunrise. Although it had risen loads anyway, just the mountains were blocking them out. So it was more like sunmake-its-way-over-the-mountain. There’s not a lot to say about them, really. Except that I took millions of photos, so you all get to enjoy them when I upload them (when I get back). Gonna make a photo gallery of some descript, so it’ll be quite easy to view.

Alex, who is staunchly anti-tourists (which is quite funny cos what are we?!) has been wearing a white South Africa cap. Which makes him look every inch the American, bus-taking, trinket buying tourist. It’s ironic and I love it.

Speaking of trinkets, they have the most disgusting genitalia-shaped keyrings over here. They’re sick, but funny. Why do they sell them? It’s a complete mystery.

The internet here is utterly useless: it’s slow and very expensive, and I just spent ten minutes trying to recover this post. Argh!

The link to that guy’s blog is in the last post, but you can go to it from here as well.

Right. Well I’m recovered now from my ordeals with guardia. Completely better, no trace of nausea or anything. Also just removed those awful dashed (if you’re using IE) or dotted (if you’re not) borders from around the posts. Cleans up the page nicely, I think. Took ages, too, using crummy notepad.

Today we arrived in Agua Calientes. Ailis’ parents’ friends said that it was very nice, but they were obviously lying, cos it’s quite messy. Actually, who am I to talk about the state of a place, it does have a really nice, friendly atmosphere, if a little expensive.

The first thing we did was to eat. Ignoring the bad omen, we chose to eat in a place called Cafe Manu. Careful readers will remember that this was the name of the other cafe we ate at which took ages to serve a very disappointing dish.

Well, here, the food was extortionate, and rubbish. So there’s another place to avoid. If you come to Agua Calientes, avoid Cafe Manu. Lonely Planet says it’s good and cheap and blah blah blah, but it’s not, and the service is included obligatorily, which means there’s no pleasure in giving a tip.

Afterwards, we spent a really nice million years in the actualy hot waters (which is what Agua Calientes means in English). They were a collection of murky watered pools, full of people, but not too full. Each pool differed in temperature, which was fun. Also, the bottom of the pools were covered in gravel, which was fun to discover. We intially thought we were in the toilet pool, since the Peruvian-looking guy that got out as we got in looked like he was laughing at us as if he knew something we didn’t. It turned out he was just a shy person from St Albans, so all was well.

The water tasted gross, but a good game of throw the gravel on people underwater was had by all (well, me: my victims weren’t so impressed (Ailis)). After stopping off at the hotel (which has no roof, and in the reception area the windows aren’t in; it’s a bit like “Don’t mind the rooms that aren’t built yet, yours is fine!”) we went on a little walk. It was very nice, and on the way back a police truck beeped its horn at us and offered us a lift. It was properly quality! They were really nice about it too, and kept playing cow noises through the loudspeaker, much to the consternation/confusion/amusements of the locals/tourists.

A little more about the hotel… It’s S/. 20 a night, but we’re not paying because the tour company, United Mice, agreed to book us transportation and lodging when we informed them the we couldn’t make the trek due to my and Alex’s illness. How nice of them! Well I guess we did pay them a lot… But it’s still good.

Right, I’m gonna have to go now, cos I’m bored of typing :D If people send me emails, I will reply to them! That’s a request for more emails, actually ;).

Oh, btw, go to tblogs.bootsnall.com/shawn, it’s the blog of a guy we met in the hostel in Cusco. He was nice and chatty, and I was promised a naked picture of him on a nudest beach, so it’s well worth the visit. Since you probably can’t tell that I’m joking: I’m joking. But there is a picture of him on a nudest beach, apparently.

Will try to elaborate later… Basically have about no time to blog.

Spent a really nice day today. Went up the side of a mountain, and saw Jesus! (A statue thereof). He looked really shocked, it was quite funny.

Was feeling a tiny bit ill today (tail-end of what they called Guardia) and a little bit homesick, so it was really nice just to potter about. We looked around Saqsaywaman (yes that is its real name) and I was quite surprised to find myself taken by them. There was actually a sense of mystery about them, maybe because of the few tourists, don’t know. Normally I find ruins quite boring.

Afterwards, we went to an Irish pub called Paddy Flaherty’s, which I recommend to anyone feeling homesick or who isn’t trusting Peruvian food, because they serve Shepherd’s Pie and the puddings are really nice.

While we were in there, there was another (another!) parade, but this time it was actually quite nice because they had some really good dancers. They were actually lovely.

Anyway, gotta go now cos my friends are all waiting, but will try to expand upon this entry. Might not happen tho… ;)

Well, the last few days have certainly been eventful. Two nights ago, we stopped off at Extrem, the movie place, to watch Sin City (which is the most pointlessly violent and sick movie I’ve ever seen). Halfway through, I realy started to feel sick, so I was (much to my displeasure). On the way back to the hostel, i was sick again outside the Cathedral. Apparently, while I was on the floor, one of those insidious shoeshine boys came up and offered to shine my shoes (despite the facts that a) I was being sick! and b) I was wearing sandals). When we arrived back at the hostel, I dove into a toilet to throw up some more, and while I was there one of my fellow travellers had a fit.

We were both rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Well, perhaps “rushed” is a strong word. Firstly, we had to convince the hostel owners to call us an ambulance. They were more worried about the fact that we had taken a blanket from one of the beds because I was freezing cold at this point (and lying on the floor). Additionally, Peru has no equivalent of 999, so they had to look up the number in the phonebook.

Anyway, the ambulance finally came and we were taken to Clinca Something-or-other. At the hostel there was (very luckily) a rather disproportionate number of Spanish-speaking med students, who were able to administer first aid and ask lots of annoying questions about chicken, eggs and diarrhoea. One of them was even kind enough to accompany us to the hospital and stay to translate doctors’ questions and our answers.

After the nausea subsided and all the tests were done, we were taken to separate rooms (the best accomodation I’ve stayed in so far) and we were left to absorb the liquid being supplied by the drip. I now have four holes, two in each arm, where they tried to find a vein. It was quite fun being able to lug the drip around the room, just like those mad old people in films.

Throughout the whole thing, random nurses kept coming in to see how I was doing. Sometimes they’d just open the door to say hola before shutting it again, it was quite funny.

Watched a number of films. Well, we watched one, Mona Lisa Smile, which I am not at all ashamed to say that I enjoyed. This film had an ending, which you might consider an important feature of a film, and didn’t feature children being raped or young women being tortured, which I think always adds something to a movie.

I was discharged earlier this morning, and we’ve just been milling around.

One thing to be thankful for is the fact that we missed that awful trek to Macchu Picchu! I am so pleased! The tour company, United Mice, has arranged a train to take us up there, and we’re staying in a hostel (instead of freezing cold tents on the side of a mountain). The downside is that we’re gonna be in Cusco for ages before the bus comes to pick us up, so we’re going to have to amuse ourselves in the meantime. Got a feeling I might be spending a while on the internet…

I’m on a computer which is running Windows Longhorn. This is the next version of windows up from XP. I thought it was only in testing, but never mind. I took a screenshot: longhorn.png

That’s all really. Eating in Trotamundos again. Ailis is reading the itinerary for the trek we’re doing tomorrow. Sounds like it’s gonna be hard again, but then I suppose we have to make up for sitting around on our arses for the last few days.

But first, a quote! This is from my friend in a recent email:

ooh random fact-apparently quite a few fat stupid business types who have never done any exercise in their lives die on arrival in lima because their bodies cant cope with the changes after they get off the plane!!

So that’s good to know.

Anyway, last night was the best night out ever. We went to this little cinema/bar type arrangement, which was excellent. I think it was run by teenagers or something, cos there wasn’t a “grown up” in sight. Though they were selling alcohol, so it must have been supervised or something. Anyway, we watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory, the new version, and I think it was one of the bet films I have ever seen. Well, I say that about every film I see, but I did really enjoy it. Willy Wonka, played by Jonny Depp, as I’m sure you’ll know, was suitably sinister, and the whole film was thoroughly wonderful, directed as it was by Tim Burton (who is a genius).

Partway through, they came in with a menu, and I ate the bes cheese omelette and chips for 3 soles, which is about 60p. The film was free, but I left a nice tip cos I think it’s really rude not to leave tips if you have such an amazing experience. The bar/cinema thing was called Extrem, and it’s just off the main Plaza de Armas if you come to Cusco. Certainly worth a visit.

Afterwards, we went to a bar called Fallen Angel. Judging by the decor, it was a gay bar, but it was full of travellers just like all the other bars in Peru. It was the best decorated bar I think I have ever been in, not just in Peru. The interior was unbelievably kitsch, and they served a profusion of cocktails and highly priced food. We didn’t eat there, but we did drink…

In fact, we drank quite a bit, to the tune of 220 soles (about £44, which is still quite good for five of us). Drinking at altitude is quite a fun experience, since after three cocktails we were suitably hammered. Many embarrassing things occurred, which shall only be divulged to a select few by email, but it was the most fun I’ve had in a while. Unexpectedly being drunk is quite a surprise. One of the benefits of altitude drinking is that, because of the relatively small amount of alcohol in the bloodstream, hangovers are light and momentary, so this morning was quite painless. Hardly seems fair…

The bus from Arequipa was quite hilarious. We started off watchin Antonia Carlos Jobim videos. For those that don’t know, Antonio is a singer who loves himself, and is evidently a big star in Spain (or somewhere) because the number of middle-aged ladies present at the concert we were subjected to was staggering.

Then, as if to make matters worse, the bus broke down. We stopped by the side of the road, unable to get off for safety stupid reasons, while the bus grew hotter and hotter. I was sitting by the window, so it was quite cool, and I was able to go to sleep. Ailis nearly killed someone, apparently, but the atmosphere was sufficiently unpleasant for me not to regret missing it. If that sentence makes sense (which it doesn’t).

They then played The Girl Nextdoor, in Spanish, which is apparently soft porn with a modicum of story-line. (Boy meets girl, girl turns out to be a pornstar, girl gets boy into loads of trouble, girl finds boy’s helplessness adorable, leaves porn, boy gets girl.) Ailis had seen it in English, so was able to explain the more difficult details of the already transparent story-line.

After the bus broke down again (and after we were moved to a bus with fewer seats) we were subjected to the most offensive piece of cinema I have ever had the misfortune to watch. It was Boat Trip, again all in Spanish, starring Cuba Gooding Jr. and a fat person. The storyline was: boys want sex, boys book singles cruise, boys discover that cruise is a gay cruise, audience is cruelly exposed to horrendous clichés, stereotypes and other assorted rubbish.

Finally arrived in Cusco (where we are now). Stayed in a pleasant enough hotel, and ate the best breakfast in the world the next morning. Outside the cafe, we were greeted by the owner of Chez Maggy, who greeted us, saying, “Welcome to this hole”. One of the best greetings I have ever received. There was something unsavoury about him that was refreshing after being subjected to the usual tourist stuff. (Thought I should point out that I have no pretentions about not being a tourist; I am no less annoying than all those Americans that flood into Bath during the summer).

Cusco is very similar to Arequipa, except for the fact that it smells of urine in all but the most touristy streets, and there are more children selling finger puppets. We were accosted by one last night, who was very charming up until the point where it was clear that I wasn’t going to buy anything from her. She then said “fuck you” and disappeared. She must only have been about 7 years old, it’s still something I’m not used to. You really have to steel yourself to say no to some of them.

Yesterday was spent doing a tour of the sacred valley from the comfort of a coach. It was, in fact, incredibly boring and it would have been cheaper to have booked a taxi to get out there. The ruins were fascinating, but the tour guide felt it necessary to talk all the way there, saying things over and over using different word orders until satisfied that we were sufficiently informed. Seriously, he commented on the trees, the rivers, the houses, and every Inca-related piece of information he could think of. Ailis added him to her list of hated tour guides, now numbering two (the first being the whistly, geticulating tour guide that took us around Colca canyon).

However, the periods when we were allowed out of the coach (various markets, a few villages, the 10 minutes we were allocated to “explore” the ruins) were great fun, if only to watch our fellow tourists. There was an American couple who ran away from the tour. And another American lady with the strangest face I have ever seen in my life. Needless to say, me and Ailis took many photos.

Actually, that makes it sound like we just messed about for the whole 9 hours of the tour. That is, essentially, the truth, but we did learn loads and take many photos of the ruins and the gorgeous scenery. And I managed to buy chocolate for the first time in ages.

When we arrived back after the tour, we went to Cafe Trotamundos, which is the nicest cafe I have yet encountered in Peru. They serve delicious food, at decent prices, and the toilets are luxurious (which is definately a plus over here). If you come to Cusco, you must have at least one meal here. I also managed to order red wine, my first glass in about two weeks, which was a God-send.

We ate lunch there a few days ago, actually, where me and Claire threw the sliced tomato and cucumber onto the roof of a passing coach (which then circled the square three times to our glee), much to the amusement of an adjacent tourist. Actually, immaturity seems to be characterising much of this trip. It’s very slightly disquieting.

This afternoon we ate in a small cafe somewhere in the city. It was called something like “Manu”. Anyway, it was the worst place in the world. We ordered food which took about an hour and a half to arrive, and when it did it was accompanied by some crisps and three slices of tomato (the chips and salad promised by the menu). It was overpriced and disappointing. I forget the name, but for future travellers, it was an “environmentally friendly” cafe, whatever that means, bearing the slogan “Tourism as if the environment and people really mattered”, implying that, in actual fact, they don’t. So avoid that cafe…

Although they did serve the most delicious coffee (Cafe con leche) I have ever tasted, so it wasn’t all bad news!

So far, though, Cusco has been really nice. Alex has gone to see some ruins (by himself, sadly the rest of us were too lazy—and disinterested, as terrible a thing as that is to confess—to walk up the hill to see them). We’ve spent the day waiting in that cafe, and buying toilet roll. What fascinating tourists we are. Tomorrow we’ll be more adventurous.