Being Mr. Kenny

I got talking to this guy tonight, who was a vegan, and his mate, who was not a vegan. I spent most of the night asking the vegan “what if” questions, like, “Would you eat meat if it came from a cow who had died of natural causes after a long and fulfilling life?” and, “If a gorilla which had been taught sign language asked you if you fancied a piggy-back, would you accept?” You know, all the deep, meaningful questions that show that you respect their beliefs.

Anyway, he was really cool, and accepted it all without being too offended, which I thought was a nice touch. Some other guy, whose name was Adam, was there with a friend called Andy (who I also know), and he wasn’t so impressed. He said, “Andy’s trying to make friends with that guy, but I think I could take him.” I thought that was pretty hilarious. Anyway, the vegan’s mate told me this story, which I will try to recount as best I can.

Ok, basically, the New Zealanders see possums as evil. They were introduced to the place by Some Idiots hundreds of years ago, and are now rife. New Zealand has no native mammals. Therefore, New Zealanders hate them. When they run them over in their car, they add another notch to it, and they are actively encouraged to kill them. Australians, on the other hand, see them as beautiful endangered species, and prize them.

My non-vegan friend visited New Zealand to do some whitewater rafting (which he said was crap, actually, but no matter). After all the rafting they had a barbeque, in true antipodean style, where some Australians were in attendance. Suddenly, during the barbeque, a possum appeared. The Australians were delighted to see the familiar animal, but before you could say “Greenpeace”, the kiwi lads produced sticks and set about beating the poor animal to death. I near wet myself when I heard this story.

In a related conversation, about grey squirrels/red squirrels (focussing on the need to kill the grey ones in favour of the red ones) the phrase “They come over here and steal our jobs” cropped up (referring to the grey squirrels, of course).

I thought the night was very funny!