Being Mr. Kenny

Went to help my Dad today, do some work at a house he lets out. We were tiling the bathroom. Well, he was tiling it and I was painting one of the walls. Anyway, I finished the wall (as much as I could, cos he was in the corner and it’s a small bathroom, thusly I could not paint that corner) and then had nothing to do. I became devastatingly bored, and seeing as the TV was only able to tune into BBC 1, I was left with little option but to construct a wonderful piece of art out of bits of tiles that I cut up and some Homebase All Purpose Sealant. It was marvellous fun. Here is the product of my boredom:

Since the photo was taken I have added a bit more to it, such as a hanging hook, should anyone want to hang it, and a few more bits of tile. If you are interested in purchasing it (perhaps you want to insult someone by giving them a really bad present or maybe you are simply mad) you should send me a million pounds.

In related news: Ebay actually sent me an email today about selling my unwanted Christmas gifts! How rude! I actually thought that was really rude. Stupid ebay.

Riveting title, no? Found this on a shopping list in the front room. We were watching that Stars in their Eyes (disgusterous show). I think it was my sister that wrote it:

Must say, I kinda agree. He is a bit unbearable.

Also, going round Sainsbury’s, found a shelf being supported by a tin of Peeled Tomatoes (economy):

OK, OK, so I’m going a bit overdrive with my digital camera, but it is a new Christmas present.

Anyway, on our way home there’s this house which is covered in Christmas. It’s quite nice, actually. I kinda like it…

Check out all these original people.

All of them had the same idea, apparently.

OK OK you have to visit this site. It’s incredible.

http://www.8bitpeoples.com/

It’s music composed on ancient video consoles and old computers, so it’s completely basic and amazing, like the stuff you find on gameboys. WOW!!!! The link above will take you to a Christmas album (you know, topical), but there’s all sorts you can find there.

Just found out that my Grandma is reading a book I read when I was on holiday. It was one of those really trashy novels that I’m not at all ashamed to say I’ve read. It’s called Amanda’s Wedding and it’s by Jenny Colgan. It’s about this woman who is getting married, and she’s totally disgusting and everyone hates her. So this other woman decides to crash the wedding and rescue the groom and run off and marry him. It’s completely insane, light, stupid reading and I loved it.

Anyway, she got it from “the shop”, which is where she works — it’s a charity shop — and she says they’re not allowed to sell it because it came free with a magazine. Just to give you an idea of how lowbrow this book is. You can probably download it for free off the internet or something, it’s worth looking for.

Christmas shopping in Bath today (for I have gone home, no less). Walking about, stressing over not having any money (well, having less than no money; for there to be £0.00 in my account, I would have to put money in, and quite a lot). Anyway, someone had written this on a wall:

“Abortion is bloody murder”

under which someone had scrawled,

“Yeah, well you try having bloody kids”.

Also watching TV last night, it was that Dumber and Dumber on Channel Five. There was this guy doing a jump, and the presenter said he “… tried to get from A to B by jumping over a ravine with a big car parked in it, but B beat him to it”. That tickled me.

Anyway, at home with the most unreliable internet connection you ever saw in your life. Seriously, it’s so annoying! Bad internet connections always put me in the most disgusting mood. But there it is. There’s a Carry On film on, and I’m about to eat, so all is not too disgusting.

Tatty bye (what a disgusting phrase).

P.S. Computer switched itself on again this morning. I think it’s cos I turned the radio off, it happened like that before. Bit weird it should do that.

How do they make the fondant centres of after-dinner mints? Well they use an enzyme. To a tablet of (mostly) pure sugar (sucrose) is added some of the enzyme invertase, which turns the sugar into that lovely gooey whatsitsname we all know and love and are allergic to (some of us, probably, not that I know anyone who is, mind you). This tablet is then wrapped in that most holy substance, chocolate. The whole thing is then left for a few weeks while the enzyme works its magic. Then, the enzyme is viciously killed by terrible, violent ionizing radiation captured out of the sun itself. This last part I made up.

See it in much more boring detail on the Something or other website. Although there are some quite pretty pictures.

As you may have guessed, my essay has reached waffling point. This is the mental temperature at which essays stop flowing naturally and must be hacked away at using the axe of waffling until such a point is reached where it is possible to change the subject, in the hope that the examiner has forgotten what you were on about. Once the subject is changed, one can write without the need for waffle for a few more paragraphs.

It is much like the temperature at which a river freezes to become a glacier. Axes (or should that be axen? no wait, that’s only with ox) must then also be used to ‘help it along’ until the next major global climate change occurs. Which, if scientists are to be believed, is coming upon us all too quickly.

Take a look at this guy. Hi there, Nick, thanks for helping me out with my essay. Oops, his name is Dan, not Nick. These pictures are amazing.