Being Mr. Kenny

F1 the office assistant

Well, I’ve written 35% of my 2000 word essay. I must say I don’t think it’s very good. As I write I have F1 the office assistant up. He’s supposed to help me work with Office, but I’ve typed in “Write my essay for me” hundreds of times now, and still he hasn’t done it! You know, it’s not very good is it? All this modern technology, and one little tiny piece of programming can’t even write a fully-referenced and properly written 2000 word scientific report… What is the world coming to?

Anyway, I don’t like the way he’s mistreated by the funny floating ball. Every time I save the document he’s anally violated by it, and when I exit the programme it causes him to explode! I really don’t understand what he did to deserve such hateful treatment. I might start a petition to Microsoft to try to get them to stop this nastiness, but then again I might not.

I have to be up in the morning, and I think I’m going to die. [There’s those exclamations again!] I’ve had about 5 cups of coffee as well, so it should be interesting. Anyway, I missed my target of 1000 words tonight (that would have taken us nicely up to 50%). I don’t know, I think I need to learn how to waffle and hold attention without really saying anything.

I think I’ve managed it with this entry, though, so all is not lost.

7:55 pm

Snicker bars are quite marvellous, are they not?

10:23 pm

I think the essay has been officially pronounced dead. We’re all going to die and the world is about to end. I actually have run out of things to waffle about and I’ve just noticed that I have exactly 0 references. This essay is proper killer! I can sense another 5:00 am session coming up. And lectures start again tomorrow. Well, at least it’ll be a different module. And besides, the assessment for this module is weighted 60:40 in favour of an exam (over this bloody stupid essay) so I should be able to do well in the exam and rescue this module from the jaws of death, terrible misery and abject pain.

I’m up to 930, now, which is 47% !