Being Mr. Kenny

Just did a dictionary.com search for ‘bint’ to follow up on a previous blog entry. It means ‘woman’ or ‘girl’ and is “Chiefly British & Offensive”. Anyway, googled the word ‘bint’ and came up with this:

Welcome to bint magazine, the weekly online magazine for women. Are you a bint? Take our test and find out.

My bint rating was 58.83%:

“You’ve taken the first steps to bintness. You fantasise about standing up in the Monday morning meeting, swearing loudly and walking out with the goldfish. But what stops you? You’re worried who’ll pay the credit card bill at the end of the month? So get a rich husband.”

http://bintmagazine.com/

Last time I stayed up really funny things happened in my lecture the next morning. I kept half-falling asleep in the middle of writing something, and when I looked at what I’d ‘written’ it was just gibberish. Ha ha! I’ll try to find some and scan it, hang about…

In the image above, I think I woke up halfway through the word after ‘but’ and finished it with ‘-ical’. I scanned the whole page (97 KB). The original text and images on the page are pixellated out just in case of copyright stuff.

Well… today, a lovely brand new washing machine arrived at our house. This is a replacement for the one that finally gave up the ghost, after a long battle with being rubbish, over two weeks ago.

Oh yes, the old one was absolutely hopeless. Half way through our first year (December-time, back in 2002) it started leaking all over the kitchen floor, and after a number of unsuccessful attempts at having it fixed (it invariably broke again every time) we gave up. We used to stuff tea towels under it to soak up the worst of the lake, but tea towels can only hold so much water before becoming saturated (read: sopping wet). Tea towels would regularly remain on the floor wet (or at least damp), for weeks before being washed and, uh… used to dry our dishes. It was a vicious cycle, but not so much vicious as unhygenic. It was an unhygenic cycle.

Anyway, after living like that for a year and a bit, at some stage near the beginning of this year (September) it started sounding like a train whenever it went into its spin cycle. Finally, it completely broke and no longer spun. It made the noise of spinning though, so at least it made a pretense.

So now we have a new one, and currently being boil-washed are the poor, faithful tea towels that have been serving king and country under the washing machine for this past month. Or even these past few months, I really can’t remember. Some of them have gone a bit green at the edges (with algae), and my housemate said he saw a dead slug (also green) wrapped up in one of them. About ten woodlice came out of the pile when we started washing them just now, as well.

There is lots of moss on our kitchen roof. I actually think it is amazing. My crappy fallapart digital camera doesn’t really do it justice, but here is a photo.

It’s always fun to stand on my bed and look out my window (I invite you to do it sometime), and the moss on the roof provides a good talking point. Sometimes I just want to climb out and roll about on the moss and bite into it — it looks like it would be really good to bite into.

Or rather not wearing glasses. I was walking home tonight, not wearing my glasses, when I looked up and saw, in the middle of the road, some kind of small animal walking across the road, pausing a while, then continuing. There was a car approaching, and I wondered if I should warn it about the animal it was about to squash.

However, as I approached, I could see that it wasn’t a small animal at all, but a plastic bag being blown along by the wind.

Porridge is absolutely amazing, and should be eaten by everyone, all the time. Constant porridge eatination is what I’m advocating, here. I’m eating some right now, and it is simply fantastic.

Particularly exquisite is porridge mixed with sugar, and even more particularly exquisite is porridge mixed with sugar, with milk, or even (if you’re feeling fattylicious) cream. Porridge in cream is what is known as ‘An Island of Loveliness’ because it literally floats and sticks together to make something so divine that for a few fleeting moments the bowl and spoon become conscious. It’s all true, I’ve seen it for myself.

F1 the office assistant

Well, I’ve written 35% of my 2000 word essay. I must say I don’t think it’s very good. As I write I have F1 the office assistant up. He’s supposed to help me work with Office, but I’ve typed in “Write my essay for me” hundreds of times now, and still he hasn’t done it! You know, it’s not very good is it? All this modern technology, and one little tiny piece of programming can’t even write a fully-referenced and properly written 2000 word scientific report… What is the world coming to?

Anyway, I don’t like the way he’s mistreated by the funny floating ball. Every time I save the document he’s anally violated by it, and when I exit the programme it causes him to explode! I really don’t understand what he did to deserve such hateful treatment. I might start a petition to Microsoft to try to get them to stop this nastiness, but then again I might not.

I have to be up in the morning, and I think I’m going to die. [There’s those exclamations again!] I’ve had about 5 cups of coffee as well, so it should be interesting. Anyway, I missed my target of 1000 words tonight (that would have taken us nicely up to 50%). I don’t know, I think I need to learn how to waffle and hold attention without really saying anything.

I think I’ve managed it with this entry, though, so all is not lost.

7:55 pm

Snicker bars are quite marvellous, are they not?

10:23 pm

I think the essay has been officially pronounced dead. We’re all going to die and the world is about to end. I actually have run out of things to waffle about and I’ve just noticed that I have exactly 0 references. This essay is proper killer! I can sense another 5:00 am session coming up. And lectures start again tomorrow. Well, at least it’ll be a different module. And besides, the assessment for this module is weighted 60:40 in favour of an exam (over this bloody stupid essay) so I should be able to do well in the exam and rescue this module from the jaws of death, terrible misery and abject pain.

I’m up to 930, now, which is 47% !