Being Mr. Kenny

Hello. Right, first things first. We recently found the following in a TV guide. It comes from the coloumn by AA Gill, but this particular week he was away so it was written by Someone Else. Personally, I rather like AA Gill’s stuff, but Mr Else does well too.

Too Posh to Wash (Tuesday, C4) is the best idea for a popular television programme in a long time. It’s presented by Aggie MacKenzie and Kim Woodbum, who made their names by cleaning up people’s houses (which, incidentally, I thought was one of the worst ideas. I tried, really I tried, but other people’s house-work just isn’t that interesting).

This, though, is fascinating and, considering its subject matter, surprisingly good-natured. It will make you feel better about people, which is a rare quality in modem television. The idea is that Aggie and Kim find people who, to put it politely, should wash a little more often. First up was a 23-year-old woman called Osla, whose best friend said she smelt of dog poo. I thought Osla was charming, but then again I didn’t have to get too close. This show will make you put your hand over your ears, it is so disgusting. One of the things that Osla did was to pick her nose and put the bits in her pocket. Her bra, taken for examination at a laboratory, was covered with so many bacteria that it had to be destroyed. A chap in a white coat said that the typical bra, worn for a day, might pick up 1,000 bacteria. Osla’s had 80 million, so many that she was at risk of skin lesions.

This casual attitude to cleanliness seems to run in Osla’s family. Her father admitted that he didn’t brush his teeth for an entire term at prep school. He then wiggled his dentures for the camera. I defy you to watch Too Posh to Wash without checking yourself for nits or saying “Yeuch” out loud at least once. After it had finished, I went straight upstairs to clean my teeth.

Do you like the bit in bold? That was my favourite.

Anyway, so that’s that. This morning I have decided to make a chart of when I go to bed, and when I get up in the morning. That way I will be able to see the extent of the weirdness of these times. Perhaps it will help me in my quest to break my bad habits. And they are tough habits! But they will be broken!